


decay(ing)

by velcrelsie



Series: you never loved the broken parts of me, (i dont either) [1]
Category: DSMP - Fandom, Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Minecraft - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Minecraft, Mr.Minecraft, Older Sibling Wilbur Soot, Pre-Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Scared TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Sleepy Bois Inc Angst, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Sleepy Bois Inc-centric, This was written at 3AM, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade are Siblings, baby!tubbo, i have had 0 sleep, like really bad, maybe more parts???, pain lol, philza - Freeform, philza is a TERRIBLE father, sad!tommy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:03:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29858520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velcrelsie/pseuds/velcrelsie
Summary: Stage One: AutolysisThe first stage of human decomposition is called autolysis, or self-digestion, and begins immediately after death. As soon as blood circulation and respiration stop, the body has no way of getting oxygen or removing wastes.-Before everything, Tommy was a child who needed his father. Someone should really tell Phil that.(all the times tommys family didnt care, and the one time they shouldve)
Series: you never loved the broken parts of me, (i dont either) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2195241
Comments: 15
Kudos: 93
Collections: Not Completed





	decay(ing)

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMERS : if the ccs say they are uncomfortable with this, ill take it down immediately! Please do not shove it in their faces or send it to them, as it may make them uncomfortable. 
> 
> Apart from that, enjoy the fic :]
> 
> (p.s this hasnt been proof read and was written in a sleep induced haze at three am)

Tommy had always been a warrior to Phil. Tommy had been born, and Phil had seen the steel in his heart and the future calluses on his sons hands. Phil didnt want to fight fate. He saw the space for things no child should see waiting in Tommy's eyes, saw the war brewing in Tommys sould.

Not phils child. Not a child, no. A warrior. A soldier. As the Gods proclaim it.

When he was younger, when Tommy would hurt himself (would scrape his knee chasing bees with Tubbo, would cut his arm sword fighting with techno, would pick at his fingernails after hours of watching wilbur play guitar, seeing his older brothers finger move making him need to move his own) Phil would tell tommy where the plasters were, would tell him shortly that his cuts would not heal if he kept picking them, would give a stern stare when Tommy rushed outside to practice with Techno, when the lumps of bandages under his shirt were still there from the last time he had tried to spar with the older boy.

And lost. (he always did)

And fixed himself, clumsily, with pieces of Wilbur's shirts, cut with the blunt edge of Technos' old axe. Again and again and again. He never told them - his brothers. He didn't know anything was wrong; this was how it'd been, and it was how it'd always be. 

But when he saw how Phil remembered the melody of Wilburs songs, how he remembered the braids techno liked in his hair, how he knew that Tubbo liked his eggs fried, not scrambled, Tommy felt something ugly rear its head in his chest. Dadza-  _ Philza. His father? No. Technos father, Wilbur's father, Tubbos father- not his.  _ When the ugly thing reared his head, he pushed it down and tamed it until it bowed to him. They were his family. (This was a lie - Tommy always had been a good liar)

Phil would not help Tommy. He would not help Tommy because he had seen a warrior in him, and he did not have time to be gentle with a soldier; you train soldiers, you teach soldiers. You do not love a soldier. He had always wanted Tommy to be able to help himself. That is not a father, the poets would say. To be a father, you must be the one who sees your child in a light which no other does, who holds their child on a pedestal and loves them above the love for themself. Phil is not a father, the poets would say. Phil is a mentor. Phil is a ruler. Not a father. 

But Tommy,  _ Tommy,  _ who had wanted nothing more than for Phil to kneel in front of him like he had for Wilbur and Techno And Tubbo, and say it would be okay, that he loved him, had not  _ needed  _ a mentor, or a leader. He did not want to be a warrior, to be a pawn and a soldier in the wars that would later happen. He wanted a father. Phil had spat in his face and said “Warriors do not get fathers,”. Tommy ignored him. Phil- Phil ~~loved~~ care about him. (This was a lie - Tommy always had been good at lying)

Is that what love is? Draining, taking, gruelling? The poet would say, no, that is not what love is. Love is the most beautiful thing in the world they say. Tommy thinks the way Phil loves him is beautiful, though, isnt it? (This is a lie - Tommy always had been a good liar)

But the Gods have told us stories, and we will listen; because that is the way it is, and the way it always will be. Listen, now. History is happening.   
  


It was a while before their world had gone to shit. One of the last good days in anyone's memory. Wilbur was home from travelling, back to the small house they'd built on the edge of a cliff.

_ Better for flying,  _ Phil had always said, staring regretfully at Tommy's never opened wings. 

Techno was- no one liked to ask where Techno anymore; when he came home with ~~bloodied hands and a torn cloak~~ , with the light in his eyes a little dimmer. When the shadow of a man dressed in green followed him around - no one said anything. Instead, they asked him what Gods he had seen flying in the skies that day, what battles he had witnessed and what books he had found. They did not ask where Techno had been, because they did not want the answer. They didn't want to know what the dark smell that followed him was and why sometimes Phil locked their doors at night. Tommy told them techno was just tired. ( this was a lie - Tommy had always been good at lying) Tommy had seen where Techno was. Techno wasn't tired.

It had been on this day that Tommy had realised that, maybe, Phil didn't love him quite as much as he'd wanted. (This was the truth)

just sat down, the warmth of the fire making everyone feel safe (this is a lie) when Phil speaks.

“Do you realise what you’ve done?”

Their fathers voice is quiet and laced with poison.

“No need to get moody with me Big P! I- Well, i- it was tons of fun! Calm down, big man,” 

Tommy does not even know what hes done.

Tommys laughing, until he realises how quiet everyone is. Wilbur was subtly pushing tubbo behind him already, glancing nervously at Techno. They had always had some- some connection that Tommy had never understood. Had never been a part of. Theyd always come back from weeks away together, with new scars and tired faces, and an understanding that Tommy, try as he might, couldn't get. 

Techno and Will. Brothers, in a sense of the word that Tommy wasn't.

Phils face is dark- so dark _ ,  _ and Tommy's heart stops, just for a second. He doesnt think he has been quite this scared in his life. Later, he will say that it was nothing (“I can barely remember what happened, really”) - This is a lie - He has always been a good liar. 

Tommy is absolutely petrified. And the gods are watching him, watching their pawn, as he stands against his father, as his eyes widen as his Phil is looking at him with death surrounding his body.

The thing is, Philza was never a good father. Not really. When a child fucks up, maybe you shout a bit, maybe you tell them it is not their fault. You do not think about how close you are to your sword, or how quickly they could run. But, that is what Phil is thinking. That is the way a ~~dictator~~ broken man thinks.

So the Gods watch their soldier, their warrior. Forged from brimstone. Will he break now?. 

And Wilbur is standing in front of Tubbo, and Techno is staring at Tommy, because yeah, he fucked up, but he's a  _ child,  _ and he has never seen Phil look like that, not ever. Later techno would say it wasn't a big deal (“Yeah, Phil got a bit angry is all, Just a misunderstanding) This is a lie. Techno is also a good liar. Maybe even better than Tommy. He tightens the grip on his axe and stares at Tommy because God's above, he's  _ young,  _ and he hasn't been broken quite yet by the world, and Techno doesnt know what he’ll do if Tommy gets the same dimness in his eyes like techno has.

There's silence in their small mountain home - Tommy tries to trick himself into thinking it will be okay ( this is a lie - he always was a good liar). And then Phil is spreading his wings, and by God everyone is tense, (Phil NEVER opens his wings - not since the war) and it's almost comical, really. And the Gods that are watching muse that it is a painting, a tragic play, the beginning to some bad joke. A god and a warrior. A stand off. 

And then the tension dissipates. Phil turns, the wind his wings made throwing everything to the floor, including Tommy, with such harshness the Gods only blink.

We watch the Gods watching the family of shattered men. 

A warrior sits, broken on the floor, and his brothers watch him. 

There was silence for a moment, shock washing over them. Phil hardly ever used his wings; not after years of swooping into battlefields with them. 

Wilbur and Techno were still staring at each other. Their was a battle in their eyes, Tommy could see it. He was not sure which one of them was fighting for him - If one of them was at all.  _ Help me,  _ He pleaded silently. Wilbur did not look at him.  Obviously, someone won, because they both averted their gaze, loosening the hand holding their weapon. Techno staring pointedly downward, mirroring Wilburs movements. They refuse to look at Tommy. _Cowards._

A father stands in the center of them, radiating death. The shadow of the man dressed in Green is here now too, watching them. He is always here now, it seems. He's always watching them. The gods see him too, and they frown. He has always been a little too comfortable in his power - a little too close to their own. But, tonight, it is not his night.

“Leave, Tommy.”

For once, Tommy doesn't know what to say, lying on the floor. 

"What?" Tommys laughs nervously, trying to ease himself off the wooden floor. 

Phil pushes him down, sneering.

" _Leave."_

And tommy sees the wars flash in Phils eyes, sees the blood and the screams. And he shrinks away from his ~~nightmare~~ father.

“Phil-  _ Dad.  _ Where- where do i go?”

Tommy smiles weakly, still hoping- pleading with the gods that Phil Would change his mind. That he wouldn't be right.

The gods do not pity him.

“To be honest, Tommy, i don't give a fuck. Just get out of my house. And take your shit with you,”

Phil was always cold like that with Tommy. He thinks- almost hopes that Tommy will fight back at him. Phil knows better than anyone that he's been no father to Tommy. He also knows that he has trained a warrior, and that warriors do not cry. Especially not in front of their fathers. It is a test in a way, for the same reason the Gods are watching. Will he break now?

That was the last day, the last time that Tommy had a proper family. (Was it ever a family? Or was that another lie Tommy had told himself. He wasn't sure anymore. He always had been a good liar.) That they had all been together. 

After that, everything went to shit.

Tommy's on his own. again. (When had he not been?) But he will pick himself up, and dust himself off, just as he has always done. And he would be okay, right (That is a lie - Tommy always had been a good liar) How Phil has taught him to. 

“Will?” Tommy's voice is quiet and cracked but his brother does not look at him. Instead, he takes Tubbos hand and leads him away. Nobody sees the tears on Wilburs face - He is glad. But, despite the tears, he does not turn around. Tommy wanted to rage at them -  _ Why won't you fight for me? _

“Techno?” He turns to his other brother, blue eyes wide. Still hopeful. Techno will help him, surely. (This is a lie. Tommy always has been a good liar)  Instead, techno lets his axe clatter to the floor and storms out, a gust of cold air blasting in before the door is shut again, the red cloaked figure walking away from his brother. From everything. He does not return for a long while.

__ Tommy  wanted to rage at them, voice trembling, his youth exposed; 

**Let them see who I am. Let them see my scars. Let them see my soul. My brother of poetry, and my brother of stories, look at me for who I am and let yourself see what you have done to me. What I am. What you have forced me to be.**

But-  _ warriors do not throw tantrums. _

_ Warriors don't cry. _

All tommys bravado leaks out of his body, dying along with the small, tiny hope that  _ maybe  _ Philza could have cared for him, like he had cared for his brothers, and maybe, for once, his brothers would fight for him. But they had always been clever boys, and they did not want to fight a God, not tonight. And phil, with his angel wings and eyes of darkness, was as close to a God they had ever seen 

So the warrior picked himself off , and dusted himself off, as he always had, as he always would. As Phil had told him to. 

The warrior turned. He would not cry for them, would not love for them , would not fight for them, again. And he walked into the night, back turned on his family. No- not his family. That was a lie he had told himself for a very, very long time. He realised, then, walking away from everything he had known, leaving behind the gods of the world, one important thing. 

He had never been a good liar.

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER : this is my first fic! (so pls dont be mean, i will cry :])
> 
> this is meant to be a six part series, but we'll see. let me know what u guys think! im still a baby writer so advice is welcome! 
> 
> if u want come shout at me at my twitter @velcrelsie :] 
> 
> i hope u enjoyed the fic!! depending on what happens theyll be a new chapter up soon!
> 
> love u x
> 
> -e


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